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I was talking to a client at the spa the other day, and she bought a foot scraper.

  • Me: *showing her how to use it*
  • Her: It's not like I'm the one who's gonna do it.
  • Me: Uh...
  • Her: I meant my boyfriend *laughs* We've been together for 20 years, and he always takes care of me. Everyday at work I receive a bouquet of flowers, lunch, and a note from him. He never lets me carry my bags, and God Forbid that I open my own door. It's been twenty years, and he's still like that!
  • Me: When are you getting married?!
  • Her: He proposed a few times, but I don't believe in marriage.
  • Me: Wow. Well how did you train him to be like that for so long?
  • Her: Honey, the secret isn't in training him. Why would you go out with someone and want to change him? How I got him was by not settling. I refused to get emotionally attached to anyone who didn't do the things that Marc does for me. From the day we met, he opened doors for me and showered me with gifts. He saw me as an equal, but treated me like a Queen. That's what you have to go for. Don't settle for someone just because you don't want to be single. Sure, have some free lunches here and there, but nothing more. Only be in a relationship with someone who gives you exactly what you want. Don't go in thinking that you'll change him, it's not gonna happen.
  • Me: *Rethinks every fucking relationship I've had and dumps every guy that is wasting my time with his bullshit.*

I just love this.

(Source: thefinalriots, via getsexier)

*7

berryhealthy:

i want to be back in california :(

"Date someone who gives you the same feeling of when you see your food coming at a restaurant"

THE REALEST THING I HAVE EVER READ (via lilwombatprincess)

(Source: sarcasmfluently, via getsexier)

(via getsexier)

finally-trying:

nhiminhi:

hunnnnie:

myzombiekoala:

linnlovegood:

michaelmidnight:

tarotdactylskittles:

timelady-of-221b:

THERe ARE CHILDREN ON HERE

TAG THE PORN PLZ

OH MY GOD SO MUCH FOOD PORN I LOVE IT

So much porn

fuck MY LIFE

The frosting one almost put me over the edge

Ughhhhhhhhhh

(Source: maleficent-z, via getsexier)

"Sometimes I remind myself that I almost skipped the party, that I almost went to a different college, that the whim of a minute could have changed everything and everyone. Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happen stance."

Every Last One (via argufy)

(Source: wordsthat-speak, via selinakyle-wayne)

(Source: emotionxlshawty, via distraction)

justabunchofnothing:

Spotted on Twitter.

justabunchofnothing:

Spotted on Twitter.

(via topgear)

fitsposts:

This. HUEHUEHEUE THAT’S SO MEAN!

fitsposts:

This. HUEHUEHEUE THAT’S SO MEAN!

(Source: girlfitblr, via getsexier)

#dinoawesome #dranks

#dinoawesome #dranks

(Source: buzzfeed, via distraction)

Whaaaaaat

Whaaaaaat

(Source: awwww-cute, via distraction)